BELFAST BORN EDINBURGH BASED BLOGGER & FASHION COMMUNICATION STUDENT

2 February 2016

The things I learnt about love in my teens


"You will find, that there's a certain grace to having your heart broken."

I just recently turned 20, quite a petrifying thing really. It's funny how you grow up playing house with your friends and pretending to be a 17 year old called Ashley or Kara with a car and a boyfriend and then suddenly you've surpassed the Ashley and Kara stage and you're an actual grown up.
I'm not one to do this type of post on my blog, possibly because I know a lot of the people that read my blog and it easy to show the world an image of yourself rather than to let them know about your actual life.

Turning 20 made me remember what my teens gave me and more importantly, taught me- about love and relationships in general. For some reason I started quite early when it came to boys, so that helped in giving my friends advice in later life. I got to thinking about it last night and worked out that i've basically been in a relationship since I was 14 which would make it 6 years with about 1/2 months between each one. In those 6 years I've had 3 very different relationships with 3 very different boys.


The first love: 
Looking back, nothing could've prepared me for how much of a whirlwind your first love can be.
I was nearly 15 and coming from an all girls school I had little to no contact with the male species, which made this relationship all the more intense. We knew each other from drama school but never really knew each other well before we somehow found ourselves talking a lot online, and then on the phone, and then in person. and Looking back I now know that although I was certainly very much in love, I was also infatuated which isn't a great thing to be. I was a bit mental and had the sort of tunnel vision that comes with a first love, you know- certain you'll marry him, have 3 kids and live on a farm, that sort of tunnel vision.

In hindsight I'm so glad I experienced this relationship, and i'm glad it happened when it did because it taught me an enormous amount about a lot of things. It helped me realise that a break up is not necessarily the end of the world (although I acted like it did) and it taught me that it's not healthy to live in your boyfriends pocket all the time and you don't have to text 507384 times a day. After nearly two years we parted ways, (techinically he parted with me and I thought my life was over) but I'll always look back fondly on my first love knowing that it all worked out for the best in the end.


The Learning Curve:
Apologies for the harsh title, I'm finding it hard to sum up exactly what this one is. The problem with me being so infatuated with my first love and spending so much time with him was that when it was over I didn't know what to do with myself. I was certain i'd never have another boyfriend and found myself actively searching for one because I didn't know how to be single, low and behold a few short weeks after my first ever break up I was back in a relationship. It's funny how things seem to escalate so quickly sometimes. One of my biggest downfalls in life is that I never ever want to hurt anyone, even if that means hurting myself in the process. Sometimes you find yourself in situations that have carried on for so long that you don't know how to rewind and get back out of them. I used to pretend I was super happy and content with this relationship when really it happened way too soon after my first love and wasn't yet over him.

I would then go out, have a drink and lay it all on him about how unhappy I was and what I needed from him that he wasn't giving me, then at about 9.30 the morning after i'd pretend it was the drink talking to save his feelings. Don't get me wrong, this relationship taught me a hell of alot and I did enjoy a large part of it but it taught me that it's okay to end something if you aren't happy no matter how scared you are to hurt the other person. In retrospect I've realised that he took advantage of me but I also allowed myself to be taken advantage of. It taught me to never jump into a relationship straight after a breakup, it can blur your judgement breathing space is massively important and that every relationship should be 50/50 in all aspects.


The Allrounder:
He'll love that i've just called him that. Aaron is my current love so I can use his name freely. I met him around 7 years ago when we were both part of a drama group in Belfast. As previously mentioned, the all girls school thing made boys very exciting and I can remember thinking Aaron was Gods gift but nothing ever happened and we really hardly spoke, apart from the odd cringy MSN convo. He's 3 years older than me and at the age of 13 this is a massive gap and he was too busy with the older, prettier girls so we went our separate ways.

 It wasn't till the summer of 2013 when we were on a reunion night out with a few of the people from our old drama school when we were face to face again after years of zero contact. I was newly blonde and newly single- something Aaron seemed to sense as he later asked to meet up with me sometime, I didn't give him a yes or no answer but I know that my 13 year old self would be pretty delighted with herself. To cut a long story short, we spent that summer together nearly every day and I quickly realised how important it is that your family likes your boyfriend/girlfriend. Of my previous relationships my family didn't dislike them and they didn't dislike my family but with Aaron he seemed to love them, and they love him back tenfold.

Aaron and I have been together for nearly 3 years now and we are currently long distance from Scotland-Ireland and have been for the past 5 months, it's going grand to be honest and I think we're dealing with it pretty brilliantly. I'm not saying i'll marry Aaron because there's no way I could know that for sure, but I do know that whatever happens I'll never regret this relationship because Aaron has showed me exactly how I deserve to be treated and how a good boyfriend treats his girlfriend. He knows i'm lying when I tell him i'm not hungry and feeds me anyway, he's massively proud of me and is always encouraging me to better myself and he would never ever ever pressure me or ask me to do anything I didn't want to do. Aaron made me work harder on my Alevels, wrote me study guides and memorized all of my religion essays so he could relay them back to me to make sure I could learn them off. I've come to realise that a good partner is someone that pushes you to do better and to wants only the best for you and I think Aaron taught me that.


That was like therapy! OOTD coming tomorrow afternoon, over and out. 

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